140 Characters Isn’t Always Enough

If you follow me on twitter (@jus_ryan3) which you should be, then you know I have absolutely no couth when it comes to my random thoughts and outburst.  Some stuff I just can’t help though.  I have absolutely no filter and if it’s on my mind it will be said.  If feels so much better to be out and open.  My mind runs about a thousand miles an hour and some of the most random stuff comes up. So where do I go to share my thoughts? Twitter of course but hot damn 140 characters isn’t always enough!  I hate putting (…) after each tweet to indicate continuation.

               Of course by now everybody has witnessed this whole “natural” craze that’s taken over these women!  WTF is wrong with some of y’all?  Those shits aren’t for everybody. Now don’t get me wrong because I’ve seen some fine women rocking naturals but I’ve also seen some women that look like JJ from Good Times cousin!  Hell all naturals don’t have to be curly or rugged looking afros!  Some women just don’t have perms but still put heat to that head and call it naturals. That’s also fine with me because it looks good as well.  But I’m confused though, how is it a natural when you still put chemicals and other artificial nutrients than a perm in your head?  Now the African women in the South African jungles with their titty nipples scraping their knees…..they rock naturals!  Ain’t not one chemical or artificial natural substance in their head!  Hell they don’t even use juices and berries either because they eat them! Talking about you got a natural……bitch you better perm that shit.  I don’t have a problems with weaves either.  I don’t care what you do to your head as long as it looks good.  Now those wigs and lace fronts…………..shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt!  I will talk about you like the devil if you come around me with one of those things on.  I absolutely hate those things.  Anything but a wig or a lace front.

               I had a girlfriend once that just didn’t feel like doing anything to her hair and insisted on wearing a wig this one particular week.  We argued for about 20 minutes before I went to work about that damn wig one day.  I expressed to her the depth of my hate for wigs.  Her response was “well you ain’t paying to get my hair done so don’t complain.” She had a small point but hell that’s beside the point.  So anyway later that night/morning (third shift) before I get off work she texts me and apologizes about the whole argument from earlier that day and how she doesn’t like us getting into it like that and says she has a surprise for me when I get home.  I like surprises so of course I’m light weight geeked up ready to see what she went and got me. So I pull up to the apartment smiling like a faggit with a bag of dicks. I walk up to the apartment all smooth and unlock the door and see that it’s dark in my apartment with candles lit.  I proceed to walk into the kitchen to see a pair of the sexiest legs I’ve ever seen in my life.  She was in the military and stayed in pretty damn nice shape. She had on some leopard print pumps and everybody that knows me knows how much I love a pair of sexy legs with some pumps.  So my eyes slowly creeps up and she has this red see through lingerie Victoria Secret G-String and Bra set on.  By this time my keys and jaw has dropped to the floor.  My penis has started to get semi-hard just from looking at this sexy ass woman standing there with the come get me stance she’s standing in.  My eyes still slowly continues to creep up and BAM! This bitch has that same damn wig on!  I give her that “da fuck” look with mad disappointment on my face, grab a brew out the fridge, walk smooth past her, and sit on the damn couch and turn it to Wanda Sykes.  That damn wig killed my whole mood. I went from medium hard to helplessly limp in 2.5 seconds.  I’d rather watch gay ass yet funny Wanda Sykes than to have sex with a beautiful woman that I know has a wig on.  Anyway the moral of the story is…..I HATE WIGS!!!

               Mannnnnnnnn I can’t stand to stand to hear a woman’s pee hit the toilet bowl water.  Turn the water faucet on or something.  When a woman goes in the bathroom I either turn my music up loud, make a lot of loud noises, or burry my head under the pillow.  If she comes over to give me them butt cheeks and goes to the bathroom before we do the do, my mouth ain’t going nowhere near her! Don’t leave your tampon and pad wrappers in the trash can either.  I grew up in a house full of women and I think I will never ever get use to that time of the month.  I don’t even like to know when my woman is on her period much less see them dang tampon wrappers in the bathroom trash.  If I attempt to have sex with you and it’s that time of the month just say I’m not in the mood.  I’d still at least hold you and want to watch TV.  If you tell me Mother Nature is making her monthly appearance I’ll stay as far away from you like the plague.

To you twitter spell and grammar check hoes…..SHUT UP!!!! It’s just twitter!

If the game is on and you don’t watch football, shut up! Better yet just leave til it’s over! Now I don’t mind answering questions you may have pertaining to the game but I don’t give a damn about Felicia’s husband cheating on her.

If you wake me up 5-10 minutes before my alarm clock goes off, we got an issue!  I will call you every curse word in the book. Mannnnnnn I can’t stand being woken up out of my sleep period.  Lord see me safely through the night and wake me with the morning light!

Did you really have to call me? You couldn’t text me that?  Don’t leave me a voicemail either because I’m not going to check it!

It’s the next morning already.  Why are you still here?

Who gives a shit about being politically correct?

I am the king of the blank stare and the “da fuck” looks!

Men sleep better when my testicles are being rubbed!

The small patch of hair under my bottom lip is referred to as my flavor savor!  She likes it!

Last but not least, the problem isn’t that you don’t want to have sex with me.  That’s absolutely fine.  The problem is you wait til my dick is already on hard before you tell me no!  So what are we going to do about this? *looks down at rock hard penis*

Aaaaaahhhhhhh shit! I did it again!