Why you so thirsty?

               I consider myself to be a pretty spiritual and religious guy.  I get on my knees every day, pray, and thank God for the many blessings I’ve received throughout my life. There’s one thing in particular I probably appreciate from him more than anything else in this beautiful world.  Nope it’s not for waking me up in the mornings, nope it’s not for blessing me with the ability to work and feed myself every day, nope it’s not for giving me such a wonderful mother, and nope it’s not for making me a heterosexual guy even though I grew up in a household full of women.  The blessing I thank him for the absolute most in the woman to man ratio on this wonderful planet we call Earth!

               Mannnnnnn you can’t tell me God wasn’t looking out for us men when he did this.  Think about how many more women there is in this world than men and tell me God didn’t do his fellow penis swinging humans who actually choose to use them a favor.  Alright let me break this thing down for you.  Hypothetically say the ratio as it stands now is about fifteen women to every man. Now subtract all the men that are in prison.  Now the ratio is roughly at 23:1 in favor of us men.  Now subtract the men that have bad credit, eight baby mamas, don’t want to leave their mama’s house and jobless.  We are now roughly looking at about 30:1 in man’s favor.  Now subtract all the gay men and down low brothers.  The ratio shoots through the roof now in favor of man! So now you’re looking at about a 35:1 ratio roughly in man’s favor.  You’re not about to tell me God wasn’t looking out for a young, handsome, heterosexual, childless, hard working brother like myself! Talking about options, WE GOT OPTIONS!!!

               With that being said I have a bone to pick with you thirsty niggas Negros out there!  Why you so damn thirsty homie? What the hell are you chasing for?  Play the numbers dude because clearly they are in your favor.  Hell most women even know this!  Ever notice how at most social functions the women outweigh the men heavily?  Oh you don’t? Shiiiiiiiiiiittttttttt I do unless it’s a sausage party which is always obvious.  If you don’t notice it’s probably because you where side eyeing the sausage instead.  Hey if that’s what you prefer I’m not mad at you.  Hell I thank you!  More for me and the straight brothers!

               You thirsty dudes make it so easy though!  You’re chasing this woman all around the club, buying her drinks and in her space every time she turns around.  Let her breathe man! DAMNNNNNN  Her girls are behind you laughing because they already know what the deal is but you swear you’re persistent, and your persistency is going to pay off.  NEWS FLASH…..It’s not homie!  I’m going to tell you what you’re doing.  In sports terms you’re committing a turnover! You’re not taking care of the ball whatsoever.  She gave you her number and you didn’t go away.  Now she’s become annoyed with you.  Now this is what’s going to happen.  A dude that’s been peeping her and also you being thirsty will approach her in a respectful manner once she finally shakes you because she eventually will, introduce himself, and humor her with an innocent joke about you being thirsty.  What you just did was commit a fumble. He just jumped her, and now he has the ball 1st and 10 with a fresh start.  The icebreaker was making her laugh which you provided joke.  He just capitalized off your turnover and you lost!  Sounds familiar don’t it?

               Now listen closely because this is what you should have done in the first place.  You always treat the initial conversation like a mini skirt, long enough to cover topic at hand (getting her number) but short enough to keep it interesting.  Offer to buy her a drink, ask a few questions but not too many questions because you want to save some for the first date, exchange contact information, tell her it was nice meeting her, you look forward to talking to her later, have a good night, and then push!  I swear it’s that simple but you thirsty niggas dudes will make simple math seem like calculus.

               With that being said I would like to take the time out to thank you thirsty dudes for making it easy for brothers like myself.  Hopefully you’ll come to the realization one day that your property value is through the roof with women.  There aren’t many like us so take advantage man…take advantage. *Mary Jane by I’m Rick James Bitch plays in the background*

 Follow me on twitter @jus_ryan3