Dating the homie: A simple guide to a not so simple decision.
The world population is the totality of all living humans on the planet Earth. This does not include dogs to you Michael Vick detractors. As of today, it is estimated to number 6.999 billion by the United States Census Bureau. According to a separate estimate by the United Nations, it exceeded 7 billion in October 2011. With that being said the world is SMALL!!!!
Six degrees of separation refers to the idea that everyone is on average approximately six steps away, by way of introduction, from any other person on Earth, so that a chain of, “a friend of a friend” statements can be made, on average, to connect any two people in six steps or fewer. It was originally set out by Frigyes Karinthy and popularized by a play written by John Guare. Basically every stranger you meet will know somebody or know of somebody that you know personally.
Unfortunately if you’re on the dating scene its not necessarily a good thing. Have you ever heard of “smashed the homie?” Yea we all have either done it or know an individual or individuals that have. Hey, I don’t judge. My question is how you feel about dating someone a friend dated or you’re ex dating one of your friends. In other words “Dating the Homie.”
Some don’t mind, some do, and some eventually get over and accept it. Should there be unwritten rules to determine whether or not that boundary should be crossed? Say for instance your friend and this man/woman you’re interested in only went on a few dates but were never intimate. Is it cool to tap the shoulder, sneak by and holla when your friend turns around and isn’t looking? What if they had sex but don’t have any interest in each other anymore? Are you cool sharing love juices with someone a friend of yours has already tasted before? It’s so many different scenarios that will play apart in the decision of whether or not it’s cool to pursuit this friend the homie has dated.
My issue with the situation is more psychological than anything. To some it’s the most ridiculous thing in the world but to me it’s everything. Let’s say I’m out on a date with this chic and we see my homie, the guy she use to date. For this instant we’ll say they had sex together when they were dating. I can’t deal with the fact that he’s probably looking at us thinking “I wonder does she do him like she use to do me? This chic use to suck the hell out of my meat, now he kissing her all in the mouth and shit.” Of course I can’t hear him thinking that but I know he probably is. Why? Because I would be. Hell I’ve done it before. I know how we men think. For women it’s probably different but I know me and I know all that shit would be running through my head.
You may want to call it jealously because they aren’t together anymore and you miss it, but jealous or not it happens. For that reason I don’t share any of my sexual experiences with friends of mine about women I’m seriously dating. A jump-off…eh who cares but not my main. Oh HELL NO not my main! Your friends listen when you’re telling them about your sexual experiences. When you add all of those juicy details making it sound all good, they become intrigued. Next comes trouble trouble… (Dolla Bill’s voice).
I’m also not the type that likes to develop personal relationships with my significant other’s friends. I mean I’ll meet them just so I know who they are and put a face to a name when you’re discussing them but I’d rather leave it at that. For one, I don’t like a lot of people in my relationship and I don’t want them feeling comfortable enough asking me questions about my relationship with their friend. Mainly, I don’t trust them and that’s how the curiosity starts. We’ve all dated someone, later seen their friend, and said “damn I wish I met them first.” Eh I’m staying as far away from that as possible. Nothing good comes out of it.
A friend of mine attempted to break down dating the homie down for me in a positive sense but I didn’t understand 100% what he was saying but I got the gist of it. Basically what he said was obviously he/she left or stopped talking to the homie for a reason which has led to their interest in you. It could be lust, emotional, or some other good reason but the fact of the matter is they weren’t compatible and there is a chance you two might be. You never know who you’ll end up with.
I have a friend who married a high school sweet heart of mine. I don’t judge him, hell we are still pretty cool when we actually talk. The only thing I was a little salty about is I didn’t get invited to the wedding. Crazy thing is they’ve been married for a few years and I’ve never been around both of them at the same time. I thought it was funny that two weeks prior to him actually telling me they were seriously dating, we was just sharing our sexual experiences with her. Smh… Like I say…I don’t judge!
Ultimately I feel out of respect for the homie you should at least run it by them to make sure no hidden emotions or attachments are still there. The last thing you want to do is end a friendship over a potential that might not work out. I say if your heart is telling you to go for it then go for it. At the end of the day it’s all about what makes you happy.
Have you ever been in a similar situation with dating the homie? How did it go down and turn out? Was it worth risking the friendship? Share your experiences or a friends experience here with us on the Chronicles.
As always I have way more to say…check me out on twitter @jus_ryan3